My Thoughts on Homosexuality and Marriage

I have been reposting lots of "pro"gay stuff on facebook recently in an effort to show others that they can be a faithful Mormon/Christian/etc. without being uncomfortable around gay people. I am afraid that in my haste to share others’ beautiful words of peace and love my stance on the issue of gay marriage maybe in question. In order to clear that up, I am writing here today.

First, here are the underlying beliefs that have shaped my thoughts:

1.     Having homosexual feelings is not a sin; it is not something that can be controlled and therefore cannot be condemned.

2.     We all have the ability to choose our actions and what we do with the feelings we can’t avoid feeling.

3.     We are all held accountable to God for living a chaste life. That means having sexual relations only inside a marriage sanctioned by God.

4.     God has not sanctioned same-gender marriages.

I believe that my church is lead by a prophet of God that will not lead me astray. Since he has declared time and time again that only a man and woman can be lawfully wed in God’s eyes, I believe him. Therefore I don't support gay marriage.

BUT.

I have no logical or emotional way to defend that move. I can only support measures like Prop 8 on pure faith. If it were up to me I cannot see a way to deny homosexuals the right to marry that won't be denying human rights. In my mind we shouldn't deny them equal opportunity. Even beyond that, it's their choice to get married so I think it's their agency we are denying. As far as the other secondary ramifications for schools, adoptions, churches etc, I see those as all possible, but so removed from the issue that the true ramifications cannot be known.

BUT.  I hear about studies like this, and I grow concerned.

“Most of the children born to unmarried mothers—58 percent—were born to couples who were cohabitating. Whatever we may say about these couples’ forgoing marriage, studies show that their children suffer significant comparative disadvantages. For children, the relative stability of marriage matters.

We should assume the same disadvantages for children raised by couples of the same gender. The social science literature is controversial and politically charged on the long-term effect of this on children, principally because, as a New York Times writer observed, ‘same-sex marriage is a social experiment, and like most experiments it will take time to understand its consequences.’” (Elder Oaks October 2012 conference http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/protect-the-children?lang=eng)

Unfortunately the “experiment” is happening seemingly at the expense of these children. I feel incapable of helping those kids. At what point do we step in? There are numerous studies that say that various kinds of families are not ideal or are disadvantageous. At what point to we prevent those people from having kids? Do we take children away from poor, single moms? Do we rely on child services to discover cases that breach the line of unacceptability? I don’t know what to do, and I can't find a way to define what is an acceptable amount of instability for a child. I am very concerned about this aspect of the gay issue, but what to do? Still working that one out.

I don’t want my kids overly exposed to homosexuality either. I don’t want them to feel that they must experiment and “discover” their sexuality that way. Randy and I have both talked about how the media and society have altered our ability to discuss and expect sex in an appropriate way. I expect this issue to do similar things for our kids and that is scary; I don’t know how to help them navigate this one.

I know that people are worried about what will be taught in schools. I don’t think it’s the What that’s worrisome, I think it’s the How. We can't delete the gay rights acts from our history. It would be wrong and it would be a lie. I don’t think we need a gay pride history month, or to expose young children to the topic (simply because matters of sexuality are inappropriate at a young age), but I think that at the appropriate time and place that part of the world can be shared with our kids in a healthy way that doesn’t promote homosexuality. I don’t think there is a way to not allow it to become mainstream; it just is.

What I know I cannot stand is homophobia and hypocrisy. My understanding of homosexuality is that ACTING on those feelings is breaking the law of chastity by engaging in sex outside of a God sanctioned marriage. So a gay couple is sinning as much as a heterosexual couple living in sin. I can’t stand it when someone avoids a hairdresser who is gay, but is still fine hanging with unmarried sexually active couples. Such hypocrisy. I see the social stigma associated with gays as the only basis for the hypocrisy in similar scenarios. What we should be doing is standing for our values on all fronts, whether they are social norms or not. (P.S. standing for our values does not equal disassociation or persecution. I follow Jesus, right? He wasn’t exactly avoiding anyone based on their sins.)

 I love Momastry’s recent article I reposted because I do think Christians can take better stances on other issues. Marriage of course is an essential building block for everything- families, society, exaltation, etc- but I wish we could all get as angry about child sex trafficking, massacres in Africa, and other causes that are more world wide issues of suffering and evil. I hope we can fight for all instable home and children. Maybe we should focus on bolstering all aspect of marriage and family rather than just this one?

I really have a hard time with this issue of gay marriage. I am so confused. I fully expect my perspective on this issue to be every evolving and growing, so I welcome comments, questions and concerns I may not have thought about. I don’t pretend to know exactly the right thing to do, but the one thing I can always rely on is God, so I default to Him. In the end I take a deep breath and repeat to myself “God’s ways are not my ways. God’s ways are not my ways” and I pray. I may not be able to logically explain every commandment or feeling I have, but God has an eternal view and I have but a pinprick to peer out from. In the end God will show us everything and His ways will make sense.