Making time for ME and why having 3 kids is WAY easier for me than 1 or 2

I just ate a double helping of strawberry shortcake and I'm filled to the gills. Actually I couldn't even finish my second helping and gave it to Randy.
Gah, filled, happy, and slightly uncomfortable. That means it was a good meal, amiright?
Today I went and spent time on myself. Also money. Thats one's harder for me to admit. I got a cut and a balayage. Why is it so hard to do nice things for myself? I have the full support of my husband. For the next few months we have 4 hours set aside every Tuesday and Thursday for me to do whatever I want. So far I have spent all of those days (4 so far) cleaning, organizing, and grocery shopping. Part of that is my personality - its more practical to do those things with out kids. The idea though was for me to do things to take care of myself. Work out, paint, write, go to the temple, sit in silence, meditate, do yoga, etc. I guess I have a hard time relaxing when my to do list is sitting in front of me.
I am getting better though.
When Ellie was born 5 years ago I couldn't even leave her with anyone during the day. It was a product of living in Westwood, not being super social with a cockily baby, and simply not making time for myself. When I got pregnant with Max 4 years ago I was determined to, at the bare minimum, see a therapist if I got PPD again, which I did. I made time for therapy, but after a while I started wondering if the therapy was helping or if it was simply the time away. I started mixing therapy with a hand full of outing over 6 months and, after 2 years of foggy depression, it zapped away on its own despite all the drugs my psychiatrist recommended. It was like being born again. I suddenly wanted to DO things and had ENERGY. By then my kids were old enough to come along. The gym was my refuge and I found I really enjoyed working out and showering without children around me (gym daycare! Hola!). I finally decided I wanted a gym pass and talked to my husband about it. He is always so accommodating when I say I need something, but its hard for me to ask. So verbalizing that desire was a challenge even then, but I did it.
The next big life event was when I got pregnant with our third baby last year during my husband's MBA school. At 3 months I started having early labor. By 4 months I was put on bedrest. We had no income and HIGHLY active 3 and 4 year old children. I had to work up my gut to ask for help. I had to ask my church and student spouse community who I had just met a few months before to rescue us. I had to ask them to take my children everyday for a couple hours for 4 months. I had to ask strangers to clean my toilets while my son was potty training. For 4 months I had to swallow my pride and get help from these very willing and kind, but unknown hands. My husband came home early each day from school sacrificing study time, group work, and networking to support our family while I lay down watching. I was entirely helpless and worked to stave off the guilt of watching others do everything around me; I was growing my baby and, dammit, she was worth me swallowing my pride.
Out she came. Somehow this time I didn't get depressed. Even when we moved 2 weeks after she was born for 3 months to rainy Portland, Oregon. Even when we left our larger home behind and shacked up in a tiny condo with baby in our room. Even when I we only had the items we could squeeze in our cars to entertain my kids all summer long. I asked for time from my husband every Saturday and got it. I let my mother-in-law and later my mom take over the kids for a week each. I ate right. I was healthy.
Now with an 8 month old, I am still saying 3 kids has been WAY easier than 1 or 2. WAY EASIER. I didn't get depressed, but maybe thats because I was caring for myself? We have way less money being students, but somehow I get baby sitters more frequently. My husband has less time now he's a student yet helps out a lot more. Could I be figuring out how to be a person AND a mother??? At the same time?!?!?!?!?! Who knew this was possible? 

I don't have this weeks meals planned out just yet, but I wanted to share this amazing recipe before I forget.

Its deliciously lime-cilantro-avocado goodness is amazing. Its so amazing My husband didn't realize it was low-carb. Like REALLY low carb. 18.8g of carbs per serving (with no added cheese or sour cream - honestly it doesn't need it)! And so easy to make. It took me a bit longer than the estimated half hour cook time when I made it, but it was my first time with the recipe.

I'll come back and post a picture next time I make this.

January's EPIC Adventure - Meals for 2/5/2017

One of my New Years Resolution this year is to do something EPIC once a month. I don't really know what they will be, but I decided I needed to start enjoying life more and do something to get my adrenaline up (ironic because my adrenal gland is already overly active- thank hypothyroidism).

January's experience came on suddenly - I had the opportunity to join the Women's March in Salt Lake City with my kids. The main theme of the march was ending sex trafficking, but there were also many other empowering messages shared. My kids and I made signs the morning of, skipped school, and spent the day in Salt Lake. Baby A slept the entire march in her baby sling and the kids and I marched from the City Creek mall all the way up hill to the capital steps in heavy snow along with an estimated 10,000 protestors. As cool as the experience of my first protest was, the true high came from the feelings of love and community I felt marching up the street with my three kids. It not only felt wonderful to be physically stand up to misogyny and show my kids that they have a voice, but to do it surrounded by so much support and unity. All around us were empowered women, men, and children standing up for ourselves and our people. Epic!

At 5, my daughter sees gender discrimination all the time and asks me about it. "Why did he say police MAN? Can't girls be police?" "Why is pink a girl color? Max likes pink too." "Why can't boy wear dresses?" I don't prompt these thoughts, but you can bet I answer these questions with truth. She now knows that some people think boys and girls aren't equally capable and that these people are dead wrong. She chose the words for sign by herself (see above). I think its important to not hide truth from my kids, especially when they recognize and question injustice. She's so young and already experiences bias on a weekly basis; it's only going to increase from here. I want to arm her with the knowledge that any resistance she meets can and should be ignored. She can climb trees, get dirty, build sky scrapers, fight crime, become a heart surgeon, be a working mother, and be smart with no apology or explanation. Knowing that her teachers, family members, or friends who might say otherwise are wrong gives her the freedom to move beyond them with confidence and understanding. She's already doing this in kindergarten and I am so happy for her. The march was another way for me to actively reenforce that she is powerful and that there are others who support her.

I am really happy with my choice to bring my kids and the experience they got to have. I will continue to look for more ways to get my kids involved in worthy causes and serve others. Let me know if you have any ideas!

----------

Meals for 2/5/2017

BREAKFAST: Another morning of Waffles and Experimental Syrup (40g)

LUNCH: Butternut Squash Soup (20g)

This soup is one of my favorites. I slice a butternut squash in half, cover with a tent of foil,  and roast  until tender, scoop out the insides, puree with one sautéed chopped onion, and just enough chicken stock to get the blender to puree. Add a dash of salt and cinnamon. DONE. And its the best. So filling and hardy. Most the grocery stores I've seen only carry organic butternut squash, so this one is so easy to make work. The squash can take a while to roast depending on size, but its so worth it to get the sweet roasted flavor lost in boiling or steaming. This also freezes really well and reheats with no issues, making it a great meal to bring to someone in need. Its also dairy and gluten free and easy to make vegan if you go with veggie stock. I usually eat about 2 cups.

DINNER: Fajita Salad (20g) with Guac (5g)

I like to use lots of cilantro and guacamole as my dressing on this salad. It make it so filling and compliments the spicy meat well. If the chipotle gets too spicy this meal is also good with a tablespoon or two of Ranch dressing too cool things down.

Fajita Salad (20g)

Steak marinated in pureed chipotle peppers (1g)

Lettuce and bunch of Cilantro (1g)

1/8c corn (5g)

1/4c black beans (10g)

⅛ bell peppers (2g)

⅛ onion (1g)

Guacamole (5g)

1/4 Avocado (5g)
1T Salsa (0g)
juice of 1/4 lime (0g)
salt


EXTRA: 35g If we have any leftover Strawberry Shortcake I might eat that for dessert, or perhaps some hot coco.

Us the Duo - Meals for 2/4/2017

For Christmas Randy bought me concert tickets to see Us the Duo! We are going to see them this night. We'd planned on a big fancy dinner, but with Ellie's ski school we will end up with only 30-60 minutes to eat. I'm considering going to the Cheesecake Factory even if we have to order food to go. The classed location is on our way to Salt Lake City. I am obsessed with their avocado egg roll appetizers! I planned my breakfast and lunch to be lean in the carbs to make room for a yummy dinner. After being pressed, my doctor said that once a week I can go over my car. Tonight will be that night!

----------

Meals for 2/4/2017

BREAKFAST: Cherrios with whole milk (25g) Half Banana (14g)

LUNCH: Fiesta Salad (11g) with leftover BBQ Chicken (5g)

DINNER: Out! (55g)

Obligatory Meal Out - Meals for 2/3/2017

This day is the last day of my daughter's ski lessons. She's gone up to Park City with her dad and brother every Saturday for 6 weeks now for private, locals-only ski lessons. She LOVES to ski. It's adorable to see her so passionate about something at age 5. With today being her last day we have a fun breakfast planned. To be honest though, my husband plans special breakfasts at least once a week. It's hard to resist his steaming heaps of gourmet pancakes, so I make sure to make my breakfast first thing before I get too hungry and he finishes cooking. Today I will join the family to celebrate my daughter's completed goal - we are big into celebratory meals in this house!

----------

Meals for 2/3/2017

BREAKFAST: Joy of Cooking Buttermilk Pancake (32g) with toppings (6.5g)

One Joy of Cooking Buttermilk Pancake (32g)
Syrup (1g see below)
1/4c fresh blackberries (3.5g)
2 slices of bacon (2g)

Today I'm going to enjoy ONE amazing waffle and try my hand at a "maple syrup" made with stevia and Mapeline. It will be very thin! I hope its good. If it is I'll post it here. If it fails maybe I'll go with some peanut butter and homemade raspberry jam. FYI, I just discovered that Sprouts has nitrate free bacon. 

LUNCH: Yogurt (14g) and Goldfish (11g) Fiesta Salad (11g)

One container of Chobani berry Yogurt (14g)
1/3c Whole Grain Fish Crackers (11g)

Yogurt and goldfish is one of my favorite childhood meals. My grown up version is with greek yogurt and whole grain goldfish, but still. It's one of my comfort foods!

Fiesta Salad (11g)

1 handful of red leaf lettuce (1g)
hefty sprinkling of cilantro (1g)
1T black beans (3g)
1/4 avocado (5g)
1T basic salsa (1g)
juice of 1/8 lime (0g)

This is one of my favorite salads to make with left overs. You can sub the beans for halved kidney beans and/or cashews too. The more cilantro the better! It's also the base for my fajita salads which top this with some fabulously marinated meat.

DINNER: OUT (51g best guess)

For this meal my husband and I will be eating at a banquet. I was able to choose my meal from a couple options (standard, vegan or gluten free). This meal will be at BYU and for their vegetarian dishes their food staff usually sub the meat in a dish with more carbs, so I chose standard instead of vegetarian. Boo. I selected the following meal and have done my best to guess the carb count of each dish: pot roast (3g) smashed potatoes (16g) kale (2g) dessert (30g if I stick to a small portion. Those BYU brownies can getchya). This of course doesn't include any juice drinks or appetizer rolls. I'm not a huge fan of BYU's food so I doubt it will be tempting to really binge here. I'll eat my Fiesta Salad a bit later in the day just incase dinner is served late. 
This is a unique situation - its a meal out that I have no control over, similar to eating at a friend's home. I'm not choosing the restaurant or dish and I don't have a way to ask how the meal was prepared or whats in dressings or marinades. I also usually eat dinner at 5:00 but this even doesn't even begin till 7:30pm. And that's okay. That's life. I'll do my best and try to stay in my carb budget and blow it all on the watered down drinks just because they are there.

EXTRA: None today. If I'm accurate in my assumptions I am actually 5g over. With my awesome meal planning I can see this coming and choose to not eat any snacks today. 

Guinea Pigs and Bonding - Meals for 2/2/2017

Throughout my life I seem to be one of the guinea pigs of my generation; I was born the oldest of three girls,  I started babysitting at age 11, I had my first job at 15, I got my first serious boyfriend at a younger age than my friends, got married young, graduated college early, had babies before anyone I knew my age, have had post-pardom depression twice and now have 3 kids at age 27. I am the first person I know with PCOS, the only I know with both that and hypo-thyroid, and have dealt with other relationship and mental health challenges earlier than my friends. I don't mind it. Growing up as the eldest I am used to finding my own way. Somehow though it still surprises me how these challenges have prepared me to be a guide for friends, family, or strangers who are going through similar issues after me. All those times when I felt lonely and like I didn't have anyone to trusted to turn to who "knew the way" have prepared me to have compassion for those just entering new waters. Without these difficult times I think I would be just so ignorant and inadvertently cruel to those around me. I am grateful to be the person to ease the unknown for my loved ones. I think that my life experience, as short as it is, has opened my eyes wide enough to expand my compassion to people in situations I haven't personally experienced. I think I pause before judging others longer than I would otherwise. I am grateful for my illnesses, pains, suffering and loneliness! They help me live deeply rooted in this world and tie me to the others around me. What a great place to be it is inside me.

These are just some of the reasons I chose to start writing about my food relation to PCOS. I don't claim to be any kind of genius when it comes to food. I think my meals are well balanced throughout the day, but one of the reasons I want to record my meals in such detail is so I can view them from a higher level. Am I eating enough whole grains? Am I eating 50% fruits and veggies? I will continue to record my meals and after a few weeks I will do a deep analysis and really see what MY plate actually looks like compared to the recommended "My Plate." Today I am still coming out of my detox and introducing some healthy gut bacteria. 

----------

2/2/2017

BREAKFAST: Cherrios with whole milk (24g) half a banana (13g)

This combo is a classic, am I right? Another quick morning as I get stuff DONE!

LUNCH: Chicken Kimchi Lettuce Wraps (26g) recipe found here and grapes (15g)

After my detox I am in need of some healthy gut-boosting lactobacilli bacteria, which kimchi provides. Mixed with some leftover chicken from Tuesday, this should be a very tasty and energizing lunch. Easy too! I am already planning on eating two servings.

DINNER: BBQ Chicken and fixings (29g) Basic Ranch Salad (9g)

Leftover from yesterday

EXTRA: 4 carbs, for a bit of dark chocolate.

---------

Well I am several days into writing about my meals. I have to say its been very therapeutic. I didn't expect to talk about PCOS so much or really much of my personal life in these food posts. I guess it just goes to show how closely my food choices are to my heart. And I haven't even begun to address the social aspects of food. My husband and I started our relationship as friends cooking together. We still eat dinner together every night as a family. I teach my kids in the kitchen and enjoy the legacy of good cooks on both sides of my family with inherited recipes and practices. I have felt a little left out the past month as I have been eating different meals from my family. I am realizing that cooking and eating are bonding experiences for me to a degree that I never fully appreciated. No wonder our food habits can be so challenging to change!

Officially Strawberry and Season! - Meals for 2/1/2017

YAYAYAYAY! Strawberries! You'd never know that they actually give me migraines they way I down them so fast. WORTH IT. I saw some dark melting chocolates at Target and had to really refrain from taking them home. My detox would have ended that night if I had! Hah. Anyway, my leftover Strawberry Shortcake will be legit tonight. 

---------

Meals for 2/1/17

BREAKFAST: Breakfast Apple Oatmeal (32g) and Green Girl Smoothie (6g)

Same as Monday but I'm adding a green smoothie to the mix.

Green Girl Smoothie (6g)

1 handful spinach (1g)

1/4c mixed berries (4g)

⅓ lemon (.5g round to 1g)

Shot of stevia (0g)

You can add an entire extra bunch of spinach to this smoothie if you want it thicker. I had no idea before my detox how many greens my basic blender could handle!

LUNCH: Chicken soup (10g) and one toasted, buttered slice bread (15g)

Leftovers from yesterday plus my favorite organic bread. Breads can really kill a low carb diet. When I DO go for a slice or sandwich I find myself always coming back to Dave's Killer Bread. The Sprouted Whole Grain loaves only have 15g carbs a piece as well as 4g of protein, 3g of fiber, 70 mg of omega-3, and 19g whole wheat. Plus they are always moist and fluffy, unlike the many other brands I've tested. All of Dave's breads are organic and are great though. Just make sure you check the carb count as they vary widely. Dave's also has thin sliced loaves with fewer carbs but I have yet to taste them.

DINNER: BBQ Chicken and fixin's (29g) and Basic Ranch Salad (9g)

Chicken (1g)

2T Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce (18g)

1/4c Corn (10g)

Even 2 years into this diet I am still shocked at the carb count of some common condiments. 18g of carbs in 2T bbq sauce?! YIKES. But yum. I work around it. We turnup the BBQ and baste those bad boys with each flip. I like to get organic thigh meat when I can. The fats of non-organic meats hold all the icky antibiotics and hormones given to the animal, as well as the pesticides the animal ate with its food. So when using non-organic meat I always cut off the fats. With organic meats you can afford to enjoy some of that juiciness! Organic chicken thighs are the bomb for BBQing. They don't dry out and they require less sauce to make them delicious. And what BBQ would be complete with out corn? Add a salad and enjoy life. Leftover chicken on top of a salad is always a good leftover meal too.

DESSERT: Strawberry Shortcake (14g)

Leftovers! Because life is better with dessert.

EXTRAS: 5g leftover Maybe some carrots and hummus today? Before you run out and buy "baby" carrots, please please please try buying a whole large carrot and slicing it up. It will change your carrot out look on the world. If its organic you don't even have to peel it, just scrub the dirt off and enjoy. Also, explore your local farmers market for some hummus. My favorite so far was a homemade cilantro and avocado blend. Oh but then there was a black bean and jalapeño one I also loved...hmm. I think I need to go back and do a taste my taste comparison...